Bullies and Lower State beings

These people are trying to knock you down because they're unable to get to the high point where you are. When people grow up, when people discover themselves, when people learn to love, to live, to heal, when people learn and become respectable people, when people conquer their demons.. they reach a point to where they're so high, free in the sky from all of the dangers, evils, and hatreds..

So they become targets, so high up in that sky. The lower ones vibrating on lower-level frequencies, want to be up there with them, but since they're so high, they can't just mosey their way up there, because they need a driving force to elevate them. Think of gravity and potential energy. The ground state has no energy to go to the sky state, it needs to be elevated by some external force. The sky state has already been elevated, and is so happy to be there, that they don't often look down, only to look up and keep looking up, climbing higher and higher. The low state, is its jealousy, craves to be where that higher state of being is.. they want it so badly, that they'll do anything to have it. They try, and when they fail, they are angry and bitter.

Time goes on, and the ground state becomes ripe with envy and anger. They become lonely.. and want to be heard.. so they do anything that they can do to knock the high state down to where they are. "If I can't have it, neither can they." So they attempt, and when they succeed, they are happier than ever. The once high state is now back to its low state... maybe they'll elevate again.. maybe it will take some time to walk away and breathe, calm down, and they elevate again.

The reason these lower states try to knock you down to their state is because they cannot get to your state. They're unable to. They need to grow up, conquer demons, have a life meltdown, learn, revelations, soul searching... that external force that elevates them so high is them.. it's all within them, but they're so hateful, so envious, so lonely.. so focused on the external, that they forget about the internal.... them. So they envy, try to knock you down, and because of gravity, the higher you are, the more chance there is that you'll come down with a bigger crash. The bigger the crash, the happier they are. There reaches a point where you climb so high that you're no longer affected by the gravity.. and the ground state is no longer an issue.. a mere memory of the past... completely immersed within a new world... sometimes, I think I'm within that world.


Don't let lower states try to knock you down to ground state. You may not get back up... sometimes, we look down and we sympathize, we try to empathize, we want to bring them so high with us.. bring them up there.. because it is good.. but often times, the lower states can't handle it.. or are working through their own issues.. and we must look out for ourselves first and foremost. We cannot heal if we are where they are. We cannot heal if we are hurting, damaged, hateful...

I was once at the lower state.. many of us were... I know what these ones go through, and as a compassionate beings, I want to help them.. bring them high.. but it takes times, and I must also look out for myself. This is why you must allow others to initiate... you cannot attempt to help those who will not help themselves. You must attempt to help and learn to back out before you're consumed ad taken down with the ship. I used to be broken a lot.. kicked down, abused, mistreated.. much of the same things that these lower states try doing to others, simply because it has been done to them. They want to be high like others, but they can't, or won't try to do what it takes to get that elevating force.

From being so low and hateful, abused by many others... kicked around much like these low states, I became unbreakable.. which was the external force that elevated me. I looked around at my environment, the people, I knew that I wanted to be high, but I didn't know how to be.. I had been broken so many times, that I thought that I couldn't be broken anymore... I thought, "Lol, this is it? There's got to be more... but there isn't. These people, they hate me, it's obvious... but why? Did I really do anything?" I realized that I didn't.. that these people weren't going to love me, for whatever reason... and so I told myself that I would.. i'd become so high that they'd all be envious of me. They'd wished they never hurt me so much. That was all that it took: to peer deep inside of myself, look at my nature, accept who I am, how I feel... look deep, and I thought, "If no one's going to love me, then I will," and so I

After being so high for such a long time, I became settled.. loved it, but much was still missing. Sitting up there so high, I realized that my goal all along was silly It really was pointless... even laughable. I wanted to impress these people.. I wanted to show them.. I wanted to teach them how brilliant and amazing I was.. but it didn't even matter. It didn't matter anymore because I grew to a spot in that new world where I felt sorry for them.. and I understood that they were suffering so much.. even more than me! They were hurting so much deep inside.. and it pained me, even made me feel guilty...

After all of this, I truly am unbreakable, because sometimes I do fall, maybe not to rock bottom, but I fall... and it hurts, and I'm in trouble.. but that's the thing, I get right back up.. and I elevate again. I've been broken so many times that I can no longer be broken. From that notion, rose a new Michael many years ago, a Michael Unbreakable; one so strong, one emancipated from darkness, one with knowledge to guide the weak, one with wisdom to guide the world. We are all unbreakable, but how much do you have to be broken to achieve this state of euphoric living? I like to think that it takes love, the external force that elevated me.. This high vibration, it is an ancient state, a pure state, and untouchable state.. one that drives you to heal... and heal others.

That is where I'm at right now, using my high state to heal. That's what it's all about. True healers make it out of their hell holes, they emerge and heal with their experiences of suffering, pain, torture, difference, etc. They began from that ground state, and something elevated them.. whatever it was. As they elevate, they become targets... because they're so high and cast such a wide shadow upon many others. The ground state wants to be up there, but they need self-healing first, in order to be healed.

I've often seen lower states attempting to heal, and causing more harm than good. I've learned that those who still suffer cannot heal... those who never grew up cannot heal.... you cannot heal a world if your world isn't first healed.

People will try to knock you down.. and for their own "good" reasons, but don't let them, nor grace them with the time of day. Your crash is their pointless entertainment; your participation is your deserved consequence.

love skeptics

ok.. this is called tough love, mainly because it's advise for the lazy, although caring folks:

1) you're loved. if you're not loved by those around you, you're loved by someone out there. it's love that fuels a fireman's innate desire to save ALL victims to the best of their human capabilities.

2) you're not alone, you're simply just.. not with anyone. yes, even those around you whom you know are supposed to love you, but you don't see it or feel it. They, too, probably love you, but don't know how to show that they do in the manner that you need to be shown in order for you to process their emotional intentions. when you get upset and feel alone, you're not unloved, you're just simply not feeling love. it's there.

3) those who make you suffer.. are probably suffering themselves. people whom are suffering inside tend to make others suffer, too, because they have no other way to feel better other than to inflict pain on others to distract the pain from them. they may love you, but they're suffering inside so much that they don't even have time to show their love for you.

4) it takes a strong catastrophe to wake people up. this is normal, and our bodies respond to these wake up calls because that's what they are.. they're triggers. when someone attempts suicide after years of abuse, and they fail... it brings light to the situation.. and brings them all closer. Sometimes people don't wake up, sometimes you are still lonely after the attempt, but that doesn't mean you go ahead and finish the deed. It doesn't take the end of your life to make a statement. Often, the biggest statement is walking away, or forcing up a smile..

5) what do you do when you can't walk away? the only thing you can do: defend your right to be loved... defend your right to love.. how do you do this? that could mean anything... well, you're right, it could mean anything, but you know what I've come to learn? Defending your right to be alive begins with loving yourself. everything else falls into place naturally.

6) love isn't definable. no two people have the same idea of what love this.. this gets tricky, but we all know that love makes us happy. We are a special race of sentient beings.. troubled with a physical, autonomous nervous system.. and a more complex emotional system which can override it often. why is it that we have these emotions? why do we need to be loved? well, it's the same reason that cows need to be social. it makes them happy. it produces endorphins which only could give them the fullest that life has to offer. we thrive on love because our physiology depends on it.. our physical health, our survival.. it depends on love, it depends on being loved, it depends on expressing love.

7) love is universal. love is understood between any animal on this planet. we all understand and process love. but why is it so universal? why is a smile understood over any language in the world? well, because smiling in primal. it is simple. smiling literally decreases stress and hormones, smiling lowers your heart rate, smiling is a form of love, and smiling makes your body feel better. I tell a person who doesn't think that love exists if they can smile.. if they can get any enjoyment out of anything.. even someone that they hate falling or a negative thing happening to them. they will tell me that they can at least smile.. and I get them thinking about it... I ask them how they feel when they smile... if those bad thoughts creep in.. if their mind is focusing on hatred... they say no, because it's not. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.

8) when the ones who love us hurt us.. its the only way they know how to express their love.. because they don't know how to love. when you grow up around violence, lack of love, lack of sharing emotions, when you grow up around abuse... you forget what love is, begin to think it doesn't exist. You grow cold and blame God because he made a person you know that should love you treat you like crap.. Well, they're going through their own problems too. After years of abuse from my dad, I have learned that he's loved me all along, even though he did abuse me. I've come to realize that he never meant to hurt me, but it just happened... and he had always regretted it. Even though it's painful, and I want to hate him, I can't, because I realize that he was trying his best, even though his best wasn't grand at all. It was his intention, rather his action, that made me realize he loved me. Sometimes, people hurt the ones they love because they don't even realize that they're hurting them... until something crazy happens, or until the wake up call comes, if it does.

9) and you don't have to stick around to wait for that call. you don't have to sit and take the abuse until that person grows up... until they're taught... remove yourself, get away.. and find your strength. stand up and proclaim, "You will no longer hurt me. I love myself" and take yourself from that person.... if they loved you, they wouldn't be hurting you. If they do love you, and they just can't help but hurt you.. then leave, because it's not your place to be weighed down by someone like that. Life will teach them. If you can't leave... like with a parent abusing you.. there is help.. there are always people out there who want to help you, want to talk to you, want to love you... because there are good people out there... some people might think that there can't be any good in the world if their parents are so abusive and hateful... so non-loving...

10) People grow hateful, cynical, cold... cold because the world is cold to them.. they think that love doesn't exist because they don't see love within their own lives... they grow envious of those who display love.. those who claim to be touched by it. Well, I can assure you that you know love, in some way, shape, or form, love is present in you.. or you'd be dead.... and well, some people do die because like I said, love makes you well, love regulates the body to be healthy, alive, active.... hatred and negative emotions like depression and anxiety and fear--they deregulate the body... stress, hormones, bipolarism,, mood swings, elevated blood pressure, bad cholesterol, obesity.... these are all products of hatred. If love doesn't exist, why is it so prevalent and effective on our lives?

11) maybe you need to change your personal lifestyle... if not your environment. maybe it's the food you eat that's making you unable to feel love... eat better, drink more water, don't eat crappy food... if you're making your body crappy, how can you expect your body to treat your well back? How can your body process love and if you're not respecting and loving your body in return?

12) And the great observer: you see evil, peril, misfortune, plague, sickness, war, famine, drought, despair, disease, injustice, murder, violence, anger, hatred, corruption, crime, devastation, immortality, devilry, pain, weakness, fear, desolation, destruction, chaos, discord, discontent, poverty... you wonder, how can the world be good? how can we be a loving race, so fixed on love, and yet there exists so much bad in the world? If there is love.. why is there hate? and that is the question, dear skeptic, why is there hate, if there is love? And so we're tempted to look back into religion, moral ethics, and human constructs of good vs. evil. We're taught that love prevails over evil... but we know that reality, that isn't always the case.

People are waking up, and realizing that the old systems of the world of flawed, and full of corruption and decline. People are beginning to question, and I challenge all to stay with the inquisitiveness that they are beginning to wake up to. Question, for that is how the revolution happens. People are beginning to question even the sanctity and holiness of all that is love... and I challenge the argument, for that is a light bulb, a neurological connection that will take them on a path of discovery--and that, my friends, is how the world becomes a better place.. little thinkers running around like ants, doing their own things, discovering the world.

People always search for a definition of love, they always want to say that love is this or that... many say it doesn't exist, but I always say that

Love is the gravity of human cognizance.

Breathless

Can you hear me? I can't hear you.

Tears just want to fall, but not them all.

It's as if they need me to be strong.

For you, for me, for us all.

It's hard for me to choose,

Whether it was you or the booze,

But all I know for certain,

Is that you surely dropped the curtains.

They masked your eyes, took your sight.

Made them red with dark contrite.

The sins, they fled into your light.

Became your madness; seemed alright.

That grip you held upon my stem,

It blocked the veins, it had stopped them.

I couldn't feel, I couldn't breathe,

The motions there, the silent pleas.

There were no thoughts of anger,

Inside my heart, only to waver.

Its force, triumphed, began to scream.

But nothing came out the stem to be.

Tried and tried, to let it free.

But you processed no company.

It was you who was only there,

Twas like my heart beat had no share.

It beat like racing water down the falls.

It pounded like a drummer's calls.

The muscle's livelihood defalcated,

No wind to be had, far belated.

Twas your eyes were filled with rage,

And this vessel so encaged.

Flashes of grim fate to be.

If only I were freed.

You took those appendages and used them nay,

Used them in a dirty way.

Not like me, the one who commands,

The world in magic with his hands.

Mistust and anger, where to venture?

How can I ever move on to enter?

That world where we were once so sane?

A world now parched and filled with blame.

How can I not send you my anger?

How can I not see you a stranger?

You faltered when I couldn't stand.

Instead you became an ugly man.

You rose to power, and took me swift.

To the floor with no fast drift.

No motion, nor movement, fixed to me.

It was shortly after I couldn't breathe.

How did we become like this?

Was it fate that changed my bliss?

I thought it was destined, the stars said it all.

Tools and divination gave me the call.

But it was I who faltered, was it not so?

Did I make a mistake, needing to be showed?

Perhaps you were the tool to guide my soul.

To fix my obstinate, stubborn whole.

This vessel only tries so well,

To pave a path devoid of Hell.

No one knows but you so well,

How distraught I've made myself.

So were you a part of all her plans?

That mother earth possessed your hands?

And bid you cold against your will?

To shock me into a violent shrill?

To force me back to think on past.

Thoughts that I believed were gone.

Maybe I was digressing fast.

To be reminded that I must last.

I am a warrior of peace and love.

To spread the joy from below to above.

To be an example on this earth.

How I'd die a matyr for what it's worth.

Each memory of pain, each time I cry,

Each moment of shock, each time I'll try.

For that much anger, hatred, disconent, and dicord,

I'll use it to guide me; a powerful sword.

You did these things to me,

A love whom I didn't know,

It wasn't until it was over,

That I understood the foe.

The one behind the play,

The writer with a blow,

A mastermind of madness,

Music to behold.

Coming from you now,

Maybe I'd offer a chance,

For you to change what happened,

But disallowing an advance.

It wasn't I who could have done,

A deed so wicked that you'd be hung.

Rotting within your casted spell,

A blackened, prison, a tiny cell.

It wasn't I who wished for you,

To spend that time so askew.

But She proclaimed it be your fate,

For what had transpired on that date.

I've cried haphazardly, so much to flood,

The world I knew a quicksand mud.

Sinking deep into the wolves of blood.

I wish you'd nurture me, a dying bud.

Sleep it away, sleep off the days,

A worried mind of menancing frays.

But we cannot reverse,

As convenient as that'd be.

No denying the piercing screams,

When they're at your face,

Breaking your ears.

Reminding you of all your fears.

It seems that nothing is up to me,

No matter how I try to see.

You weigh so heavy upon my mind.

Even though I now know your kind.

But maybe I don't know it all yet,

Perhaps you've more, unreleased regret.

After all, we can't even speak.

But even if we could, it'd be so bleak.

So where does this leave me?

Battered and lonely?

Victimized and full of 'if only's?

But that won't change a single thing.

Because it's not even up to me.

Your future's in the means of He,

The one who makes the final decree.

So pray, my stranger, pray for us.

Pray this doesn't end a fuss.

You've done a lot, and so have I.

The burden here is sifting through the 'why.'

We've each some blame, perhaps mostly mine.

But I think it'd be different had there been no wine.

So don't touch it ever again, dear friend.

You'll not know what'll happen to you again.

Or another person, on another day,

I hope you learn from these adolescent ways.

I hope the best for you, my friend.

I meant what I wrote in that letter when.

When I said that I loved you dear,

That I'll always miss you, think of you, every year.

No day will pass by without me thinking of you,

We shared something majestic, something new.

It was unique, even though we had our friction.

Often times, I'd wish we were fiction.

I did wish that we were so,

Not even real, an imaginary flow.

That I'd wake up with piercing screaming.

Merely sleeping, only dreaming.

Yes, it got so bad, that I wanted to run.

I wanted to forget what we had begun.

I desired most to find another,

Someone I'd be comfortable calling a lover.

But you had something, something that I needed.

But not anything that I wanted.

Tell me, dear, the dilemma here.

What would you choose, in my shoes?

Or would you not choose, and take the days?

Precisely as they'd come, day, night, day, night.

And move individually without trying to fight.

But the emotions coming through in our poisoned fights.

It never had to get this horrific,

To where you fell from all that was terrific.

I held you so high, even though I didn't show it.

I had my way of expressing how I loved you, but you didn't know it.

I did hold you high, regardless of your guess.

I'm truly saddened that you couldn't see my best.

But that wasn't what I was trying to convey.

I was trying to teach you brilliant ways.

I wanted you to learn, to become bigger than me.

So I could take a break, and let you be in the lead.

But that could never happen, maybe I never gave you a try.

But something made me think that it wasn't worth the time.

But you'd never allow my teaching to become real.

Instead you saw hatred and didn't think I could feel.

Your emotions, and sense that you were upset.

But honestly, dear, it was all in your head.

I did love you, even though this just became clear,

After our eyes met, on that destructive night of fear.

But I've paid inside, shed tears that left wounds.

I regret a good quantity of my actions and moods.

Gosh, I just don't even know!

Where this is going, what else I could expose.

I want to be speaking to you right now without silence.

If only you'd break your noted compliance.

But it makes me feel better, just laying it out here.

Getting the steam out, so I don't freak out.

I have a long time to compose myself.

Maybe by then, I'll have moved on.

Everything still stands as it does with pride.

Those four conditions you must abide.

I love you, my dear, but you've given me fear.

I don't know if I can trust you, for however many years.

I want to, I want to believe.

That it wasn't you, that it was the booze.

I'll only know when I get to talk to you again.

Until then, I'll send you healing zen.

I know I have issues, that even I need to resolve.

I'm maybe not ready to take you on at all.

Maybe I have my own growing up to do,

There is so much for me to change, too.

So this isn't all about you,

It's also about me.

And what I have to offer,

To this staggering tree.

I admit to never giving you a try,

Never letting things go the way opposite of mine.

Maybe when time heals us, we can give it a go.

And I can sit back, and enjoy all that is your show.

And our hearts will merge as a line,

A perfect puzzle so aligned.

From differing pieces, almost like a tale,

Of epic proprotions, so much to hail.

But this won't come an easy task.

You must with me take off the mask.

So when we do, we see each person.

For who they are, no pain to worsen.

We must live openly, without fear,

You will not be judged, humiliated, or jeered.

If I love you, and you love me too,

You'll have to share them, however few.

The fight is over, we now a divide.

An unbreakable line which cannot be tried.

Patience to us, may we wait the cold storm,

Our lives forever changed, may we soon become warm.

Friend comes over.
Gets drunk.
Pees on my bed somehow.
Goes to sit on it at some point.
Tells me there is water.
Says he has no idea how it got there.
I use paper towel to soak it up, smell it, and prove it is urine.
He sticks to water theory.
I gain in impatience.
Says, "I don't know how it got there," then tries to actively create an alibi.
Fails miserably; still sticks with his ideas.
Says, "I'm not even that drunk."

Story of my night.

The Mystery

The Internet is a safe house for those in trouble, suffering from their daily lives, an escape away from reality. You can keep things away from the knowledge centers of others in an instant and you can share tidbits of your life so fluidly, whether truthful or not. For me, it has been a haven and source of knowledge, intelligence, intuitiveness, ingenuity, education, learning, wisdom, and much, much more. I have met many people through the invention of the Internet, many whom without having been in my life, I'd be lost, deprived of the fruits of life, and a wreckage.

The Internet is a weapon. It is either for you to protect yourself, or for you to forge your own way where the way is not clear or friendly. It is a weapon to the enemies of success and ignorance, and a weapon for that which you hold so dear to you.

I have used this weapon valiantly, and I have used it ingloriously. I have many memories of mistakes hidden in the alcoves of the Internet, and many long-forgotten friends and enemies. It is because of this modern invention that I became the person that I am to this day. I have lied, I have sinned, I have defied social standards, I have done the unthinkable and searched that which should never be searched, I have been involved with intensely with dramas, and ultimately, I have grown up and been given many chances at success. It is because of the Internet that I am  glorious, sensible, proud, and beautiful soul.

I got to grow up in a world not of the physical reality, but of an electronic, cyber one. I got to experience life in a physically safe, stable manner, where I was not subject to the physical harm of the real world. Through role playing, games, and forums, I was able to do this. I was able to learn lessons at such a fast rate that not even my parents have learned yet, and they're well within their years.

I was given access to knowledge, Internet articles, religion, culture, spirituality, higher thinking...

I became a beautiful soul that attracted wonderful people.. people who would eventually save, and uplift me from the dangers, toils, and perils of my innate world, as well as the one I had to deal with beyond my Internet home and lifestyle.

Growing up on the Internet has been a blessing, even after all of the horrible and despicable things that I have had to endure.

I met a lot of wise, moronic, fun, obnoxious, naive, foolish, helpful, harmful, saintly, prudent, vapid, jaded, knowledgeable, and blissful people. I have experienced all that life has possibly been able to throw at me at a social level. I may not have been able to get out of the theorizing conservatory and experience that which I intimately theorized, but now in my adulthood, I have been, and i am experiencing the bounties of my theory and logic.

I grew up from evil, hatred, bullying, harm, suffering, a want to die, and inner pity. I learned that the suffering given to me are from those who are suffering far more than me. I have learned how to be humble, how to be compassionate, I have learned what true love is from strangers to my heart.. people accepting me for the aura aura and glow of my soul. I have learned the true testaments and ways of the limitless human expression.

Somehow, within all of the hatred of the world, I have learned to be a being full of love, understanding, joy, science, theory, insight,art, culture, expression, compassion, empathy, esoteric knowledge, and true bliss.

I have, through the many people that I have met in my journey in this world both physical and cyber, become a very blessed and gifted person. I have been gifted wit the ability to reflect with selflessness, and to admit that which is to be admitted, to share that which should be shared, and to restrain that which should be kept back. I have learned a spiritual discipline that has been handed down in humanity since times that we can no longer remember the beginning of.

I am a grateful being, so young and full of wisdom, love, and expression. For these qualities, I am humbled to share, and I eagerly hope to instill and inspire in others' lifestyles for many eons to come. I have learned because of the power of communication and sharing, that i have a story, just like evry human, and that story has meaning because I have spoken it into existence as such. I have learned to pridefully admit that I will not die in vain, nor will anyone who wants success. We all have a beacon of light waiting to be lit by a runner from afar.

We all can shine, and I hope that every day, one can share their lights with me so that we may create a beacon so heavy, so dense, so vibrant, so illuminating, so empowering, that the world would fabricate a paradise for all. I have learned from many great people in history, such as the Dalai Lama and his many other reincarnations, about compassion. I have learned from Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. that we all can aspire to have dreams that will be fulfilled. I have learned from Jesus that we all should hold our tongues' judgment and embrace in human solidarity. I have learned from the Buddha that all people can achieve inner peace and greatness with discipline and guidance. I have learned from myself that I am beautiful and that I have the power to carve my path. I have learned from ordinary men and women who wake up very early each morning to put on bright smiles and teach the youth, and to inspire them to be great just like they are, and even better.

I have been blessed to experience the life that I have. I have been humbled by the dirtiness of gardening. I have been humbled by bullying because I know that bullies are those who are seeking love too. I have been humbled by the winds, the trees, the brooks, the conifers, the deciduous, the fish, the mosquitoes, the hills, the forces of nature, the poignant emotions of a broken heart.. I have been humbled by the erosion of the physical body because of time. I have been knocked from a high place into a low place, and with my inner strength, pushed right back up with a new sense of rebirth and understanding.

I have become a beautiful person, from true Hell and back again, a being who represents life in all of its mysterious ways and never gives up even when his body keeps going and his mind has shut down long ago.. with that strange, inner spirit that keeps him pushing each day.. not a clue as to where its heart originates.

I am a part of the mystery of life as well as those few kind spirits who are reading my expansion.

I have hopes, desires, dreams, wants, fears, and wishes like every man, woman, and child. I have a humanity that will never abide by the tests of time. No matter how shaky the bridge may get, I somehow make my way by drudging through. We are all like this, and united, we are a bumpy, cold, loving, caring, messy, clean, contradiction of imperfect perfection. We are a contraption of something vastly more infinite than we can perceive with our sometimes-near-perfect logic and rhetoric.

The Mystery keeps me enticed, no matter how invigorating or peeving it may get. I only hope that those whom I have been chanced by in my time will learn from what I have expounded on in this expansion, and come to trust me, love me, and invite me into their personal lives no matter how meek or ambivalent the weather may be in their fragile, yet significant worlds.

Love is not a feeling that one can merely speak or communicate; it is not said or stated, nor engraved or acted out. Love is a rhythm of life that only one can resonate with in such a way that another so close to them can harmonize with in purely undefinable expression of the soul. Love is a life force that all should behold. It is a basic human right.