Defalcated Innocence

I have words to say to everyone; every man, woman, child with able-enough mind, and "tri to octo" genarian alike.

You all are to blame. Your hands have resulted in the plants that have been seeded and sown. The very plants that have procured prodigiously throughout your crude fifty years of maintainence. For such a time, your destructive seeds have grown into such plastic creatures; a beauty. For such a time, I have been born just 18 years ago in a hospital much in cohesion with every hospital on the facade of Gaea. For just some time, my seeds have been growing and sharing with the selfish ingredients of Gaea a wonderful spectacle.

These very selfish ingredients, being the various homo sapiens of this cosmic domicile, Earth, are to blame for each tidbit of my suffering, each malignant emotion, and every kilo that is my whole; one kilo for every nanogram of matter that composes my vessel. Selfish ingredients are parts of a complex soup that tend to take advantage of other ingredients. A soup is a perfect embodyment; a perfection of taste and delight. Selfish ingredients are those rotten who take control of the bowl and alter the flavor to their liking. These ingredients, so mixed together by the chef, are ordained within the bowl for the sole purpose of perfection.

Let's imagine that the Chef is the divine, the bowl is Earth, the restaurant is the universe, the soup is Life on Earth, and the various spices and ingredients within that soup exist as the various species of earth; more so placing importance at the dominance: homo spaiens.

For 18 long years, I have known and seen pain.

[ Here was an entire 400-word paragraph of multiple accounts of which included the very true historical testimony of my pain. I omitted said paragraph because no one is ready to hear my story. One day, I will formally share with the world these accounts. For now, the Internet can know what's merely on my mind. ]

I have seen pain and I know pain. I know pain so well that pain is my friend. It has been advocated all throughout history to know thy enemy much like you would a friend. I know Pain like how wonderful I feel when I experience the pure pleasure in ejaculating to bondage.

This vessel knows so much and has experienced so much--yet it is all smitten with adolescence. My experience is about as ubiquitous as "Peace on Earth" is, and what truly flabbergasts me is that these very selfish ingredients advocate that pain is a weakness leaving the body. They also advocate that wisdom knows only that which has endured for some time. Time is a continuum; it goes on and on and can be copied and separated into its own domain so one can study it; looking at a timeline. Within 18 years, I can experience everything from trauma, to abuse, to neglect, and so on. In 30 years, one can experience none of it. Said trigenarian knows more than me because said trigenarian is older and has "experienced more than me."

I have much "growing up" to do! As far as one conforming to irrelevant insults that intrigue me no longer, stating the obvious is not an insult. I have much growing to do, so much in fact that I cannot even fathom it... but what truly baffles me is how one has been divinely blessed with the eiphany that is knowing which direction my growing should proceed! I'm truly misunderstood here. Where the direction of "up" has come from, my brain knows no logic thereof. I cannot possibly fathom how stating the obvious has become the typical insult between an intergenerational relationship, nor can I fathom why I must grow "up". I fear they're relying on the intelligence that plants grow upward, and since that direction has proven so successful for them, the insult is to be more like vegetation and less like a human. I think that's a compliment--seeing as the oldest living creatures of Gaea are trees.

I must conform and disengage myself from being "different". Who or what is smartly different? If beauty were the ugly of this world, what then would the vain do? What could be done to fix the vast amounts of people who would purge themselves of their once-beauty to conform to this new accepted hideousness as the repalcement for true beauty? One tries to play on negatives and positives to try and prove a point, but one point cannot be proven here--the point is very obvious: people will remain the same and fall back on the norm because it is their ensconcement.

In a bowl full of ingredients that choose to maintain through existence as a selfish ingredient because of what other ingredients are doing, one can only see the black upon a field of white, or the white upon the field of black. In a vacuum, nothing can escape or enter. I propose that society is a vaccuum. Nothing can escape or enter, but everything within it can change. In a sea of shallow water, it is easy to spot the one oil spill--that one social defect; that one social mishap.

If I am the oil to your water, then I will fight indubitably to discombobulate--no--to hinder you further. If my existence must be made crude, imperfect, disease-ridden, ill, negative, dark, forsaken, a nuisance, pathogenic, carcinogenic, "different"... then I will strive my most to be myself only to spite you; to hinder your waters. Only through true pain can true peace be epiphanized and then appreciated. My innocense, much like the purgery of my own insecurities so that I too could conform to escape the agony of being "different", was defalcated in such a revolution that Gaea herself couldn't relate to. This vessel is smart, but tired. I am tired and I am jaded of these selfish ingredients.

Dear Recipients,

Please sow your seeds' manifestation because they're no longer gifts of Gaea, but demons of defalcation. She let you have free will and look what you've done to her. You are all selfish ingredients. You have all defalcated my innocence into a bank account that no longer exists. There is no way to return what has been embezzled. Through my time, I have discovered friend and foe--of which I am thankful to have known. Our Mother is angry; Gaea is angry and she will show her disposition. Like Prince Escalus said in The Tragedy of Romeo and Juliet, "All are punishéd."