love skeptics

ok.. this is called tough love, mainly because it's advise for the lazy, although caring folks:

1) you're loved. if you're not loved by those around you, you're loved by someone out there. it's love that fuels a fireman's innate desire to save ALL victims to the best of their human capabilities.

2) you're not alone, you're simply just.. not with anyone. yes, even those around you whom you know are supposed to love you, but you don't see it or feel it. They, too, probably love you, but don't know how to show that they do in the manner that you need to be shown in order for you to process their emotional intentions. when you get upset and feel alone, you're not unloved, you're just simply not feeling love. it's there.

3) those who make you suffer.. are probably suffering themselves. people whom are suffering inside tend to make others suffer, too, because they have no other way to feel better other than to inflict pain on others to distract the pain from them. they may love you, but they're suffering inside so much that they don't even have time to show their love for you.

4) it takes a strong catastrophe to wake people up. this is normal, and our bodies respond to these wake up calls because that's what they are.. they're triggers. when someone attempts suicide after years of abuse, and they fail... it brings light to the situation.. and brings them all closer. Sometimes people don't wake up, sometimes you are still lonely after the attempt, but that doesn't mean you go ahead and finish the deed. It doesn't take the end of your life to make a statement. Often, the biggest statement is walking away, or forcing up a smile..

5) what do you do when you can't walk away? the only thing you can do: defend your right to be loved... defend your right to love.. how do you do this? that could mean anything... well, you're right, it could mean anything, but you know what I've come to learn? Defending your right to be alive begins with loving yourself. everything else falls into place naturally.

6) love isn't definable. no two people have the same idea of what love this.. this gets tricky, but we all know that love makes us happy. We are a special race of sentient beings.. troubled with a physical, autonomous nervous system.. and a more complex emotional system which can override it often. why is it that we have these emotions? why do we need to be loved? well, it's the same reason that cows need to be social. it makes them happy. it produces endorphins which only could give them the fullest that life has to offer. we thrive on love because our physiology depends on it.. our physical health, our survival.. it depends on love, it depends on being loved, it depends on expressing love.

7) love is universal. love is understood between any animal on this planet. we all understand and process love. but why is it so universal? why is a smile understood over any language in the world? well, because smiling in primal. it is simple. smiling literally decreases stress and hormones, smiling lowers your heart rate, smiling is a form of love, and smiling makes your body feel better. I tell a person who doesn't think that love exists if they can smile.. if they can get any enjoyment out of anything.. even someone that they hate falling or a negative thing happening to them. they will tell me that they can at least smile.. and I get them thinking about it... I ask them how they feel when they smile... if those bad thoughts creep in.. if their mind is focusing on hatred... they say no, because it's not. It takes more muscles to frown than it does to smile.

8) when the ones who love us hurt us.. its the only way they know how to express their love.. because they don't know how to love. when you grow up around violence, lack of love, lack of sharing emotions, when you grow up around abuse... you forget what love is, begin to think it doesn't exist. You grow cold and blame God because he made a person you know that should love you treat you like crap.. Well, they're going through their own problems too. After years of abuse from my dad, I have learned that he's loved me all along, even though he did abuse me. I've come to realize that he never meant to hurt me, but it just happened... and he had always regretted it. Even though it's painful, and I want to hate him, I can't, because I realize that he was trying his best, even though his best wasn't grand at all. It was his intention, rather his action, that made me realize he loved me. Sometimes, people hurt the ones they love because they don't even realize that they're hurting them... until something crazy happens, or until the wake up call comes, if it does.

9) and you don't have to stick around to wait for that call. you don't have to sit and take the abuse until that person grows up... until they're taught... remove yourself, get away.. and find your strength. stand up and proclaim, "You will no longer hurt me. I love myself" and take yourself from that person.... if they loved you, they wouldn't be hurting you. If they do love you, and they just can't help but hurt you.. then leave, because it's not your place to be weighed down by someone like that. Life will teach them. If you can't leave... like with a parent abusing you.. there is help.. there are always people out there who want to help you, want to talk to you, want to love you... because there are good people out there... some people might think that there can't be any good in the world if their parents are so abusive and hateful... so non-loving...

10) People grow hateful, cynical, cold... cold because the world is cold to them.. they think that love doesn't exist because they don't see love within their own lives... they grow envious of those who display love.. those who claim to be touched by it. Well, I can assure you that you know love, in some way, shape, or form, love is present in you.. or you'd be dead.... and well, some people do die because like I said, love makes you well, love regulates the body to be healthy, alive, active.... hatred and negative emotions like depression and anxiety and fear--they deregulate the body... stress, hormones, bipolarism,, mood swings, elevated blood pressure, bad cholesterol, obesity.... these are all products of hatred. If love doesn't exist, why is it so prevalent and effective on our lives?

11) maybe you need to change your personal lifestyle... if not your environment. maybe it's the food you eat that's making you unable to feel love... eat better, drink more water, don't eat crappy food... if you're making your body crappy, how can you expect your body to treat your well back? How can your body process love and if you're not respecting and loving your body in return?

12) And the great observer: you see evil, peril, misfortune, plague, sickness, war, famine, drought, despair, disease, injustice, murder, violence, anger, hatred, corruption, crime, devastation, immortality, devilry, pain, weakness, fear, desolation, destruction, chaos, discord, discontent, poverty... you wonder, how can the world be good? how can we be a loving race, so fixed on love, and yet there exists so much bad in the world? If there is love.. why is there hate? and that is the question, dear skeptic, why is there hate, if there is love? And so we're tempted to look back into religion, moral ethics, and human constructs of good vs. evil. We're taught that love prevails over evil... but we know that reality, that isn't always the case.

People are waking up, and realizing that the old systems of the world of flawed, and full of corruption and decline. People are beginning to question, and I challenge all to stay with the inquisitiveness that they are beginning to wake up to. Question, for that is how the revolution happens. People are beginning to question even the sanctity and holiness of all that is love... and I challenge the argument, for that is a light bulb, a neurological connection that will take them on a path of discovery--and that, my friends, is how the world becomes a better place.. little thinkers running around like ants, doing their own things, discovering the world.

People always search for a definition of love, they always want to say that love is this or that... many say it doesn't exist, but I always say that

Love is the gravity of human cognizance.

Breathless

Can you hear me? I can't hear you.

Tears just want to fall, but not them all.

It's as if they need me to be strong.

For you, for me, for us all.

It's hard for me to choose,

Whether it was you or the booze,

But all I know for certain,

Is that you surely dropped the curtains.

They masked your eyes, took your sight.

Made them red with dark contrite.

The sins, they fled into your light.

Became your madness; seemed alright.

That grip you held upon my stem,

It blocked the veins, it had stopped them.

I couldn't feel, I couldn't breathe,

The motions there, the silent pleas.

There were no thoughts of anger,

Inside my heart, only to waver.

Its force, triumphed, began to scream.

But nothing came out the stem to be.

Tried and tried, to let it free.

But you processed no company.

It was you who was only there,

Twas like my heart beat had no share.

It beat like racing water down the falls.

It pounded like a drummer's calls.

The muscle's livelihood defalcated,

No wind to be had, far belated.

Twas your eyes were filled with rage,

And this vessel so encaged.

Flashes of grim fate to be.

If only I were freed.

You took those appendages and used them nay,

Used them in a dirty way.

Not like me, the one who commands,

The world in magic with his hands.

Mistust and anger, where to venture?

How can I ever move on to enter?

That world where we were once so sane?

A world now parched and filled with blame.

How can I not send you my anger?

How can I not see you a stranger?

You faltered when I couldn't stand.

Instead you became an ugly man.

You rose to power, and took me swift.

To the floor with no fast drift.

No motion, nor movement, fixed to me.

It was shortly after I couldn't breathe.

How did we become like this?

Was it fate that changed my bliss?

I thought it was destined, the stars said it all.

Tools and divination gave me the call.

But it was I who faltered, was it not so?

Did I make a mistake, needing to be showed?

Perhaps you were the tool to guide my soul.

To fix my obstinate, stubborn whole.

This vessel only tries so well,

To pave a path devoid of Hell.

No one knows but you so well,

How distraught I've made myself.

So were you a part of all her plans?

That mother earth possessed your hands?

And bid you cold against your will?

To shock me into a violent shrill?

To force me back to think on past.

Thoughts that I believed were gone.

Maybe I was digressing fast.

To be reminded that I must last.

I am a warrior of peace and love.

To spread the joy from below to above.

To be an example on this earth.

How I'd die a matyr for what it's worth.

Each memory of pain, each time I cry,

Each moment of shock, each time I'll try.

For that much anger, hatred, disconent, and dicord,

I'll use it to guide me; a powerful sword.

You did these things to me,

A love whom I didn't know,

It wasn't until it was over,

That I understood the foe.

The one behind the play,

The writer with a blow,

A mastermind of madness,

Music to behold.

Coming from you now,

Maybe I'd offer a chance,

For you to change what happened,

But disallowing an advance.

It wasn't I who could have done,

A deed so wicked that you'd be hung.

Rotting within your casted spell,

A blackened, prison, a tiny cell.

It wasn't I who wished for you,

To spend that time so askew.

But She proclaimed it be your fate,

For what had transpired on that date.

I've cried haphazardly, so much to flood,

The world I knew a quicksand mud.

Sinking deep into the wolves of blood.

I wish you'd nurture me, a dying bud.

Sleep it away, sleep off the days,

A worried mind of menancing frays.

But we cannot reverse,

As convenient as that'd be.

No denying the piercing screams,

When they're at your face,

Breaking your ears.

Reminding you of all your fears.

It seems that nothing is up to me,

No matter how I try to see.

You weigh so heavy upon my mind.

Even though I now know your kind.

But maybe I don't know it all yet,

Perhaps you've more, unreleased regret.

After all, we can't even speak.

But even if we could, it'd be so bleak.

So where does this leave me?

Battered and lonely?

Victimized and full of 'if only's?

But that won't change a single thing.

Because it's not even up to me.

Your future's in the means of He,

The one who makes the final decree.

So pray, my stranger, pray for us.

Pray this doesn't end a fuss.

You've done a lot, and so have I.

The burden here is sifting through the 'why.'

We've each some blame, perhaps mostly mine.

But I think it'd be different had there been no wine.

So don't touch it ever again, dear friend.

You'll not know what'll happen to you again.

Or another person, on another day,

I hope you learn from these adolescent ways.

I hope the best for you, my friend.

I meant what I wrote in that letter when.

When I said that I loved you dear,

That I'll always miss you, think of you, every year.

No day will pass by without me thinking of you,

We shared something majestic, something new.

It was unique, even though we had our friction.

Often times, I'd wish we were fiction.

I did wish that we were so,

Not even real, an imaginary flow.

That I'd wake up with piercing screaming.

Merely sleeping, only dreaming.

Yes, it got so bad, that I wanted to run.

I wanted to forget what we had begun.

I desired most to find another,

Someone I'd be comfortable calling a lover.

But you had something, something that I needed.

But not anything that I wanted.

Tell me, dear, the dilemma here.

What would you choose, in my shoes?

Or would you not choose, and take the days?

Precisely as they'd come, day, night, day, night.

And move individually without trying to fight.

But the emotions coming through in our poisoned fights.

It never had to get this horrific,

To where you fell from all that was terrific.

I held you so high, even though I didn't show it.

I had my way of expressing how I loved you, but you didn't know it.

I did hold you high, regardless of your guess.

I'm truly saddened that you couldn't see my best.

But that wasn't what I was trying to convey.

I was trying to teach you brilliant ways.

I wanted you to learn, to become bigger than me.

So I could take a break, and let you be in the lead.

But that could never happen, maybe I never gave you a try.

But something made me think that it wasn't worth the time.

But you'd never allow my teaching to become real.

Instead you saw hatred and didn't think I could feel.

Your emotions, and sense that you were upset.

But honestly, dear, it was all in your head.

I did love you, even though this just became clear,

After our eyes met, on that destructive night of fear.

But I've paid inside, shed tears that left wounds.

I regret a good quantity of my actions and moods.

Gosh, I just don't even know!

Where this is going, what else I could expose.

I want to be speaking to you right now without silence.

If only you'd break your noted compliance.

But it makes me feel better, just laying it out here.

Getting the steam out, so I don't freak out.

I have a long time to compose myself.

Maybe by then, I'll have moved on.

Everything still stands as it does with pride.

Those four conditions you must abide.

I love you, my dear, but you've given me fear.

I don't know if I can trust you, for however many years.

I want to, I want to believe.

That it wasn't you, that it was the booze.

I'll only know when I get to talk to you again.

Until then, I'll send you healing zen.

I know I have issues, that even I need to resolve.

I'm maybe not ready to take you on at all.

Maybe I have my own growing up to do,

There is so much for me to change, too.

So this isn't all about you,

It's also about me.

And what I have to offer,

To this staggering tree.

I admit to never giving you a try,

Never letting things go the way opposite of mine.

Maybe when time heals us, we can give it a go.

And I can sit back, and enjoy all that is your show.

And our hearts will merge as a line,

A perfect puzzle so aligned.

From differing pieces, almost like a tale,

Of epic proprotions, so much to hail.

But this won't come an easy task.

You must with me take off the mask.

So when we do, we see each person.

For who they are, no pain to worsen.

We must live openly, without fear,

You will not be judged, humiliated, or jeered.

If I love you, and you love me too,

You'll have to share them, however few.

The fight is over, we now a divide.

An unbreakable line which cannot be tried.

Patience to us, may we wait the cold storm,

Our lives forever changed, may we soon become warm.