Will my heart make it? Luna, I know you're laughing at how envious of you I am. Can not you give your light to me without jest? Be-scoff some other morsel in your path.. but not me, for I worship thee in purity--hence no emergency to laugh at my lovely dystrophy. I love thee, so help me, and give me, your clarity. Please.
Wake my dreams a breath of life.
May 31, 2010
May 24, 2010
Don't turn your back on
There in my shoes.
I see my heart dead.
There is the news.
Of people wed.
Here are papers that spread the news.
Here are the words that said:
"Come to my world,"
"Come to my land."
"I dream of you,"
"O, Take my hand."
Sitting there in the brown-black chair.
Smelling the air from the fair.
Lounging back, smelling trees.
Getting down on my knees.
Pray, pray, O come ye pray.
Kneel down with the angels today.
Sing, sing, o do ye sing.
Cling to the words that say:
"I have you here,
Inside my brain.
Each night, I dream,
I see a train."
"It leads to you,
And feels your toil.
My love for you,
It burns with oil."
And feel, I do, the words that spew.
And run like the breeze across the trees.
I smile and think of pain long gone.
Tears dripping unto the paper fronds.
I look at headlines.
They read of fire.
A baby who died.
As black as wire.
I see the ad again;
My eyes do churn.
The water inside;
I feel it burn.
And on my final tear.
A spider-like fear.
O, the news that I was fed,
The final words that said:
"I saw you the other night,
A forest of hues and light.
It was Autumn and around the bend,
I saw you sitting wanting to pretend.
To look me away and pierce in my eyes.
The facts of redemption and cat-like lies.
You were thinking, so studious there.
And when I came up to bare.
You widened your eyes and stared.
On the log you sat, peering into the blue.
I walked closer and I asked you what was new.
You told me that I was wrong.
That you weren't all alone.
And as I listened to the song.
I started to feel your woe."
So I should listen to some tall tree,
A long paper of blasphemy?
I've cried so long and I'm tired of lies.
Give me a man of great surprise.
Who will endeavor to be my whole.
The piece that needs to fit my soul.
And love me for eternity, if you dare.
Come to me now, don't massively share.
Put those words into my heart.
Not a paper of fancy art.
I want this to be all mine.
And selfish vows on fancy pine?
They should be mine!
They shouldn't be shared.
But I'll find you now.
Oh then, let us compare!
We'll show every talent we can muster from within.
I'll give my everything from my blood to my skin.
This desire, this lust, this dream to be your kin.
It won't falter as long as we don't give in.
As long as you don't leave me behind.
Or forget that you were my surprise.
A gift from the Goddess, a love with a vow.
Don't you dare turn your back on me now.
I see my heart dead.
There is the news.
Of people wed.
Here are papers that spread the news.
Here are the words that said:
"Come to my world,"
"Come to my land."
"I dream of you,"
"O, Take my hand."
Sitting there in the brown-black chair.
Smelling the air from the fair.
Lounging back, smelling trees.
Getting down on my knees.
Pray, pray, O come ye pray.
Kneel down with the angels today.
Sing, sing, o do ye sing.
Cling to the words that say:
"I have you here,
Inside my brain.
Each night, I dream,
I see a train."
"It leads to you,
And feels your toil.
My love for you,
It burns with oil."
And feel, I do, the words that spew.
And run like the breeze across the trees.
I smile and think of pain long gone.
Tears dripping unto the paper fronds.
I look at headlines.
They read of fire.
A baby who died.
As black as wire.
I see the ad again;
My eyes do churn.
The water inside;
I feel it burn.
And on my final tear.
A spider-like fear.
O, the news that I was fed,
The final words that said:
"I saw you the other night,
A forest of hues and light.
It was Autumn and around the bend,
I saw you sitting wanting to pretend.
To look me away and pierce in my eyes.
The facts of redemption and cat-like lies.
You were thinking, so studious there.
And when I came up to bare.
You widened your eyes and stared.
On the log you sat, peering into the blue.
I walked closer and I asked you what was new.
You told me that I was wrong.
That you weren't all alone.
And as I listened to the song.
I started to feel your woe."
So I should listen to some tall tree,
A long paper of blasphemy?
I've cried so long and I'm tired of lies.
Give me a man of great surprise.
Who will endeavor to be my whole.
The piece that needs to fit my soul.
And love me for eternity, if you dare.
Come to me now, don't massively share.
Put those words into my heart.
Not a paper of fancy art.
I want this to be all mine.
And selfish vows on fancy pine?
They should be mine!
They shouldn't be shared.
But I'll find you now.
Oh then, let us compare!
We'll show every talent we can muster from within.
I'll give my everything from my blood to my skin.
This desire, this lust, this dream to be your kin.
It won't falter as long as we don't give in.
As long as you don't leave me behind.
Or forget that you were my surprise.
A gift from the Goddess, a love with a vow.
Don't you dare turn your back on me now.
May 18, 2010
Unrequited love stinks
My friend Monty bought me a cactus from Ikea yesterday and I absolutely love it. :) It's so cute!
Although, the bugger has already pricked me quite a few times. I have no idea how I'm going to transplant this.
Lately, my heart has been up and down.. but predominately confused. I will focus on my language tomorrow though. It's decided.
May 15, 2010
My face is only apart of my vessel. It doesn't show who I am inside, but it does hint at it. Look at me with this idea in mind. Inside, I am a swamp of life teeming everywhere. Underneath, there is a world of vast complexity and many differences.
My face, my body, is just the surface of this swamp acting as a mirror by reflecting the outside world.
May 10, 2010
Words of wisdom
In order for energy to change form, work must be done. Work is defined as a force exerted to do movement. This world is a constant motion of energies changing form.
When we walk, we only push the air in front of us... and as we move forward, the air fills the spot where your body was. It is like water. When we get in a tub, it seems the water rises.
That is because the water is only filling the gap that our body created.. since the water cannot go through our body, it only goes around it.
Life, existence.. earth.. it is all one atom after another--all connected. From our bodies, to the water, to the air that we breathe to sustain our life.. it is all connected; atom by atom by atom.
So when we feel these emotions inside of us.. the ones that hurt us so badly.. we want to rid them. And the only way to rid the emotions is to change the energy.. to do work on the energy to change it; doing work on the feelings to change them.. so we voice our feelings and emotions.
When you bottle them up, the energy rises and increases in frequency.. thus breaking us apart because our body cannot contain the high build-up of energy. Our body is only meant as a vessel for our mind, soul, and spirit to exist. It is our home.
Our very home.
When we walk, we only push the air in front of us... and as we move forward, the air fills the spot where your body was. It is like water. When we get in a tub, it seems the water rises.
That is because the water is only filling the gap that our body created.. since the water cannot go through our body, it only goes around it.
Life, existence.. earth.. it is all one atom after another--all connected. From our bodies, to the water, to the air that we breathe to sustain our life.. it is all connected; atom by atom by atom.
So when we feel these emotions inside of us.. the ones that hurt us so badly.. we want to rid them. And the only way to rid the emotions is to change the energy.. to do work on the energy to change it; doing work on the feelings to change them.. so we voice our feelings and emotions.
When you bottle them up, the energy rises and increases in frequency.. thus breaking us apart because our body cannot contain the high build-up of energy. Our body is only meant as a vessel for our mind, soul, and spirit to exist. It is our home.
Our very home.
May 8, 2010
Thy prolix curse begone from me
The World of Gay is a tricky way.
All is bright when it is subsequent light.
Why for you deny me so when in my heart I am gold?
And in my wake He shines a beam unto thine very visage, I gleam.
And in the night I walk to and fro.
All about in boughs of woe.
Ships doth sway into the eve and locks of hair do weave.
His twig-like fingers in such array, for I share no dismay.
His tongue now on my parted lip.
A sight of glory to the Ships.
Some strands of love begin to mesh.
And true we dine in air so fresh.
I smell he who loves me here.
A wasted night I do fear.
I fear his touch may be prolix.
I fear my words may never fit.
I crave his soul to speak to thine.
This parson entrap me with his vine.
This parson who loved me so long ago.
And now bequeathes under me a rotting hole.
And true I felt for him with ease into the fresh arid breeze.
And Summer nightingales spew songs of joy.
And senses that he begins to employ.
Within thy body, it sinks like wine.
Through a throat of He who dines.
And in this prolix moment, something seeming to burst.
I feel his anger, his feelings now worse.
He parted from me, this parson, He-
Disappeared, he turned on me.
But no time is more given here.
For I am done with thy fear.
And go away, begone my life!
Vex some other holy knight.
A chore to me, cursed unto thine name.
I want thine life to stay from vain.
And live in springs with palms about.
And forgive my past, you without.
All is bright when it is subsequent light.
Why for you deny me so when in my heart I am gold?
And in my wake He shines a beam unto thine very visage, I gleam.
And in the night I walk to and fro.
All about in boughs of woe.
Ships doth sway into the eve and locks of hair do weave.
His twig-like fingers in such array, for I share no dismay.
His tongue now on my parted lip.
A sight of glory to the Ships.
Some strands of love begin to mesh.
And true we dine in air so fresh.
I smell he who loves me here.
A wasted night I do fear.
I fear his touch may be prolix.
I fear my words may never fit.
I crave his soul to speak to thine.
This parson entrap me with his vine.
This parson who loved me so long ago.
And now bequeathes under me a rotting hole.
And true I felt for him with ease into the fresh arid breeze.
And Summer nightingales spew songs of joy.
And senses that he begins to employ.
Within thy body, it sinks like wine.
Through a throat of He who dines.
And in this prolix moment, something seeming to burst.
I feel his anger, his feelings now worse.
He parted from me, this parson, He-
Disappeared, he turned on me.
But no time is more given here.
For I am done with thy fear.
And go away, begone my life!
Vex some other holy knight.
A chore to me, cursed unto thine name.
I want thine life to stay from vain.
And live in springs with palms about.
And forgive my past, you without.
May 4, 2010
I love thems like my children :)
I have plants to help me breathe. They are my children, all that I need.
It's probably pathetic how many house plants I've welcomed into my life. I've started some as seeds and most of them I transplanted myself. :) I've really gotten into this new hobby. I've been looking for something captivating and time-consuming. Poetry, I run right through it. Painting, I get bored after a while. Writing, it's sometimes too drawn out and I psyche myself out because I want it to be perfect, so I spend hours cramping on a chair. Exercising, you get tired after a while and although you feel fulfilled, where's your material gain? Working on my language is beautiful and MUST come at a time when I feel right; which is not often. Doing pixel art, that's another story.
Horticulture and indoor-gardening is my calling. It is absolutely amazing to see how a little bit of fertile soil, water, sunlight, and seeds react together to produce a gorgeous new multi-cellular organism. Since I've had plants in my room, I've felt more alive and I swear there's a pleasant change in the smell of the air. I feel like I can breathe better now. I'd have my window open often, but it's just not the same as having plants directly in your living space.
I rescued a tiny maple sapling from my friend Keith's yard (he was going to end up weeding it out later) and I have that soaking in a pot of miracle grow. It's only got two little leaves and one lead is half-way eaten. I've had it for 3 days and it's still alive, no discoloration, and no wilting leaves. I also have a money tree, which I've had for a few weeks. I'm very happy that it's still alive and in perfect color too. What scares me the most is winter and fall. I don't know how I'm going to keep the trees alive as well as my dracaena spikes through the coldness and since I'm cultivating them right on my window sill, they are threatened by the cold air that seeps through sometimes. :/
It's fun to experiment and learn what each plant needs. It's almost like taking care of children, I swear! I find myself thinking about them often, wondering if they're getting adequate sunlight, water, or nutrients. I have so many plants now that I feel like the dreaded cat lady who has 40 cats, a number decided by how many years-old she is. Hehe.
What really frosts my cookies is how I bought an extremely cute and affordable pot at the Dollar Tree store a week or so ago and now they don't sell them anymore. That upsets me. :/ It was extremely cute. I have my ivy planted in it. I have 3 different species vine plants growing. Vinca, a lime-colored ivy, and this unknown natural ivy that I uprooted from my friend's backyard. What's extremely neat about Vinca is it grows really long in short amounts of time, almost like hair. If you cut trim the vine and put the clipping in water, it'll sprout new roots and then you can plant it! I'm very weary of the ivy I took from my friend's backyard because it looks a little sick, but then again, it's been a few days, it should have died by now if it were going to.
What I want to do with the vinca vine is clip it when it grows a little bit longer and then try and grow roots form it, then plant it in this cute black mug I bought from the Dollar Tree. I think it'd look so adorable, a vine trailing down the side of a black mug. Ugh! I find myself thinking of creative stuff like that all the time now.
Where I got about 78% of my plants is this large greenhouse market in Romulus, Michigan called Block's Stand & Greenhouse. They sell very cheap plants there for very cheap. It's neat! I bought the vinca for about $1, the spikes for $0.99, red geranium for $0.75, these three red-leaf plants for $0.75, and 6 Italian-made clay pots with saucers for $0.59 each. They were running deal: buy two, get the third one free. I want to go back there this weekend.
Many things have been surfacing in my life.. between academics (I think I got a 4.0 again), prom (Should I go or should I not?), my plants (Will they die on my failure ass?), my two newly-close friends (Will we last far into the future?), nostalgia (I miss somebody a lot right now and it's painful to think of Him), someone harassing and threatening me over phone (I think it's my first ex Thomas), my family (I exiled my brother form my life), love (Am I going to be with this guy that I like, will I get back with an ex, am I going to be single for a long time?), my destiny (Will the Lord and Lady divine my future and past correctly--is my prophecy going to include my legwork? Will I make it?), college (My career--this is the most important thing. I have to get my shit in line and also redo my ACT..), and let's not forget my book (Will I finish Chapter 2--yes, chapter 2).
Many things are on my plate this year and even though there is so much to ponder about, I feel as though new hobbies and experiences will help reduce stress... so I'm indulging greatly my horticulture and indoor-planting hobby. :D Plus, it's fun!
Thanks for reading,
It's probably pathetic how many house plants I've welcomed into my life. I've started some as seeds and most of them I transplanted myself. :) I've really gotten into this new hobby. I've been looking for something captivating and time-consuming. Poetry, I run right through it. Painting, I get bored after a while. Writing, it's sometimes too drawn out and I psyche myself out because I want it to be perfect, so I spend hours cramping on a chair. Exercising, you get tired after a while and although you feel fulfilled, where's your material gain? Working on my language is beautiful and MUST come at a time when I feel right; which is not often. Doing pixel art, that's another story.
Horticulture and indoor-gardening is my calling. It is absolutely amazing to see how a little bit of fertile soil, water, sunlight, and seeds react together to produce a gorgeous new multi-cellular organism. Since I've had plants in my room, I've felt more alive and I swear there's a pleasant change in the smell of the air. I feel like I can breathe better now. I'd have my window open often, but it's just not the same as having plants directly in your living space.
I rescued a tiny maple sapling from my friend Keith's yard (he was going to end up weeding it out later) and I have that soaking in a pot of miracle grow. It's only got two little leaves and one lead is half-way eaten. I've had it for 3 days and it's still alive, no discoloration, and no wilting leaves. I also have a money tree, which I've had for a few weeks. I'm very happy that it's still alive and in perfect color too. What scares me the most is winter and fall. I don't know how I'm going to keep the trees alive as well as my dracaena spikes through the coldness and since I'm cultivating them right on my window sill, they are threatened by the cold air that seeps through sometimes. :/
It's fun to experiment and learn what each plant needs. It's almost like taking care of children, I swear! I find myself thinking about them often, wondering if they're getting adequate sunlight, water, or nutrients. I have so many plants now that I feel like the dreaded cat lady who has 40 cats, a number decided by how many years-old she is. Hehe.
What really frosts my cookies is how I bought an extremely cute and affordable pot at the Dollar Tree store a week or so ago and now they don't sell them anymore. That upsets me. :/ It was extremely cute. I have my ivy planted in it. I have 3 different species vine plants growing. Vinca, a lime-colored ivy, and this unknown natural ivy that I uprooted from my friend's backyard. What's extremely neat about Vinca is it grows really long in short amounts of time, almost like hair. If you cut trim the vine and put the clipping in water, it'll sprout new roots and then you can plant it! I'm very weary of the ivy I took from my friend's backyard because it looks a little sick, but then again, it's been a few days, it should have died by now if it were going to.
What I want to do with the vinca vine is clip it when it grows a little bit longer and then try and grow roots form it, then plant it in this cute black mug I bought from the Dollar Tree. I think it'd look so adorable, a vine trailing down the side of a black mug. Ugh! I find myself thinking of creative stuff like that all the time now.
Where I got about 78% of my plants is this large greenhouse market in Romulus, Michigan called Block's Stand & Greenhouse. They sell very cheap plants there for very cheap. It's neat! I bought the vinca for about $1, the spikes for $0.99, red geranium for $0.75, these three red-leaf plants for $0.75, and 6 Italian-made clay pots with saucers for $0.59 each. They were running deal: buy two, get the third one free. I want to go back there this weekend.
Many things have been surfacing in my life.. between academics (I think I got a 4.0 again), prom (Should I go or should I not?), my plants (Will they die on my failure ass?), my two newly-close friends (Will we last far into the future?), nostalgia (I miss somebody a lot right now and it's painful to think of Him), someone harassing and threatening me over phone (I think it's my first ex Thomas), my family (I exiled my brother form my life), love (Am I going to be with this guy that I like, will I get back with an ex, am I going to be single for a long time?), my destiny (Will the Lord and Lady divine my future and past correctly--is my prophecy going to include my legwork? Will I make it?), college (My career--this is the most important thing. I have to get my shit in line and also redo my ACT..), and let's not forget my book (Will I finish Chapter 2--yes, chapter 2).
Many things are on my plate this year and even though there is so much to ponder about, I feel as though new hobbies and experiences will help reduce stress... so I'm indulging greatly my horticulture and indoor-planting hobby. :D Plus, it's fun!
Thanks for reading,
Miyäyu isto van,Michael.
May 2, 2010
A dog ate my bone.
I had an alright Beltane last night. My friend Julie ate a turkey bone of mine that I really needed for certain rituals. Oh well. I'll have to wait next year to get a bone like that of its kind. I don't much care for this evening though. My friend ditched me in the rain and I had to walk home alone, cold, wet, and annoyed.
Then I started thinking of someone I once knew... that wasn't so splendid. I found myself sitting under the roof of a picnic table, staring, listening, breathing---and in that moment I realized that the rain was there, keeping me company. I always forget that She is there; with me... Gaia.
This song makes me weep..
I realize that the rain is my only friend.. even if it does fall unto me. As someone once said, "You're always getting rained on."
Then I started thinking of someone I once knew... that wasn't so splendid. I found myself sitting under the roof of a picnic table, staring, listening, breathing---and in that moment I realized that the rain was there, keeping me company. I always forget that She is there; with me... Gaia.
This song makes me weep..
I realize that the rain is my only friend.. even if it does fall unto me. As someone once said, "You're always getting rained on."
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